The Caregiver's Worst Enemy- Procrastination???

Alice and Marjorie's Story

Alice is a 88 year old woman living in her own house. She has congestive heart failure and high blood pressure managed fairly well by medications. She has had two falls in the last month with no substantial injuries. She has incontinence issues that she manages fairly well on her own. Since her recent falls, she waits until her daughter can be with her to shower as getting into the shower tub is challenging on her own. Her only daughter Marjorie works full time, has two children under 12, and takes care of her mother in law who lives in her house. Marjorie lives close by Alice and comes on weekends to help her mom with shopping, showering and chores and sets up her medications in a weekly pill box.

By all appearances things seem fine. Except on her last visit, Marjorie has noticed Alice seems to be quite a bit weaker than she was a few weeks ago and wonders if this is the reason she is falling more. Her incontinence has gotten a bit worse and Marjorie notices Alice seems confused, out of sorts, and forgetful. She also has missed several days of her medications which is uncharacteristic for her. Marjorie makes a mental note to call Alice's doctor this week and get her seen, gets her all set up as usual and goes on her way. The next weekend, things seem even worse with Alice. Marjorie had had an extremely busy week at work, her mother in law had had health needs and Marjorie had so many chores and things to do, she had meant to make a doctor appointment for her mom, but just never did it. She also had wanted to ask the doctor about home health care, knowing that maybe Alice needed a bit more help around the house during the week. Marjorie takes care of her mother's needs and makes another mental note to call the doctor for an appointment in the upcoming week.

Thursday comes along and Marjorie gets a call while at work from Alice's neighbor Ann, who had heard Alice screaming for help. Alice's door was locked so 911 was called. Apparently Alice had some particularly awful incontinence problems and had attempted to take a shower on her own. And you guessed it, she fell yet again, this time not being able to get up, began screaming for help. Alice ended up having a fractured hip, clavicle and wrist and was in a skilled nursing rehab unit many, many months before she was able to move around enough to leave the skilled unit. The original cause of her decline? Those of you in senior care or with your care giving experience might have guessed it- a urinary tract infection. With Alice it had gone on for a while, the infection spread and had gotten into her bloodstream causing sepsis- a potentially life threatening illness. Urinary infections are common in the elderly and are easily treatable with medications if caught early. Alice ended up recovering fairly well but was never quite the same. She lost most of her ability to be independent and the family had to move her to an assisted living community. She passed away four short months after moving.

Image Credit: Spice of Life

This is a fairly common story in the senior care world. If the daughter was or wasn't at fault isn't the topic today as much as the point that sometimes procrastination can have horrendous consequences. Marjorie was in way over her head commitment- wise, knew she needed to get more help in place and that her mother needed medical attention. To this day she has regrets about how she handled things. As you may know, I hate it when people have regrets and wanted to share this story with you not to frighten you, but to encourage you. If you are a procrastinator like me, learning how to tackle our postponing nature straight on with the goal of minimizing “procrastination- trauma” and regrets is essential to our well being. When it comes to our health or the health of the seniors we care for, procrastination must be seen as the enemy and anything we can do to stop it is good.

What Actually Is Procrastination and How Do I Know I'm Doing It?

Cambridge Dictionary defines procrastination as the act of “delaying something that must be done, often because it is unpleasant or boring.” I like Urban Dictionaries' version: “I'll put up a definition later.” Ha ha. Perhaps the most accurate definition I've heard: “The action of ruining your own life for no apparent reason.” Well sometimes there are reasons- more on that later. According to Susan Letham in her article titled The Procrastination Problem, “Procrastinators delay until the day after tomorrow that they know they should have done the day before yesterday.” So, fellow procrastinators, or those of you unsure if you even are one, recognizing a problem is the first step in eliminating it, so let's jump into this feet first and see if any of these signs ring true for us:

Top 5 Sure Signs That You Are a Procrastinator

The clearly obvious- you postpone the making of an important decision or doing something that needs to be done. Usually the item at hand is no fun: Breaking up with someone, studying for a test, quitting a job we no longer like, telling our parents that it is time to give up their car or move to an assisted living community. You postpone dreaded or unpleasant tasks frequently despite knowing it causes you stress, anxiety and possibly insomnia.
You have poor time management skills- you chronically run late, often over plan, underestimating how much time it will take to get activities done, or routinely book your schedule beyond full thinking you can “do it all.”
You find yourself doing ANYTHING rather than the needed task at hand. Suddenly it becomes imperative that you get all those dust bunnies from out under the bed or organize your family photos starting three generations prior to yours. Even cleaning out the cat box or pairing up clean socks can be more intriguing than “The Task.”
People call you (and perhaps you take pride in it) a perfectionist. If it isn't done perfectly, you'd rather not do it all. Footnote: You're probably not so great at delegating either.
You complain, whine, cry, and make excuses as to why you can't make the decision or do the dreaded item. Usually sounds like this: “It's too boring, too hard, too easy, I don't feel like it, I'd rather be doing XYZ, it won't make a difference anyway” or “they'll hate me if I do XYZ.”

“Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task.”

William James

So What, What's the Harm?

While it is true that some people seem to wait until the last minute to get yucky tasks or jobs done without consequence (we all had that friend in school that crammed the night before and still managed to get straight As), the majority of us don't work so well under such pressure. Chronic postponing can have a detrimental effect on our own health, both physically and mentally. If you don't believe me, here is a partial list of possible side effects of the big “P”, and they don't sound that healthy to me…

Stress, including an increase in blood pressure, increased heart rate, sweating
Anxiety, depression, or panic often leading to tearful episodes or rage
Insomnia
Financial repercussions or crisis (i.e. late payment fees, loss of credit privileges or interest rate increases on credit cards or loans, loss of job if procrastinating on work assignments or missed work goals is the norm, health costs increased because of treating or managing a health condition that has become more severe due to delay of treatment)
Decrease in self esteem
Missed opportunities with career, love and other endeavors resulting in lifetime regrets
Increase in health issues such as digestive disorders, decrease in immunity and exacerbation of other current or outstanding health disorders. Also people who are procrastinators may put off difficult or unpleasant health tasks such as exercising, quitting smoking or going to the doctor for checkups
Potential catastrophes for others in our lives such spouses, children or seniors we care for such as in Alice and Marjorie's case. We also chance frustrating and possibly harming our relationships with those that depend on us such as our partners, friends, coworkers, bosses resulting in a level of social isolation and trust. Trust that is repeatedly broken may not be able to be regained

The Skinny

The reasons we procrastinate are as individual as we are. And while deadlines and a small amount of pressure can motivate us to perform, it is clear that chronically postponing can be detrimental to all involved. So let's look at some of the reasons why we procrastinate as it will help us understand what we need to do next.

Fear of success, failure, being judged, being unpopular or hated. The list of fears goes on and on. These can vary based on the chore at hand, but you might notice a theme running through your particular procrastination triggers.
Not enough confidence. Deficit (sometimes only perceived) in skill level or knowledge to tackle the problem at hand.
Possibly have never learned proper time management and/or organizational skills although this appears to not be the case for the majority of procrastinators.
Learned avoidance technique modeled by those who raised us. Habitual behavior now.
Personality trait- studies have shown that genetics may play a part in our tendency to procrastinate.
In certain situations it may be part of a power struggle, be egotistical in nature coming from an over-inflated sense of self / self-centeredness, or be a passive-aggressive act possibly stemming from resentment and other underlying emotions. (“I can't be bothered with taking the time to make this decision, I'm too busy. I'll let so-and-so do it instead.”)

So Now What???

Although the study of procrastination is relatively new, researchers agree insight is the first step of improving or changing our behavior. Are we avoiding projects and tasks because of low self-esteem issues and self sabotaging reasons or is it a conscious decision we are making to simply avoid conflict or consequences? To break it down in to manageable bite-sized do-ables, let's start with the following steps:

Identify the behavior. What kind(s) of procrastinating are we doing? Are we postponing important decisions or actions until the 11^th hour or are we filling our day-planner to the brim leaving a trail of frustrated people behind that we don't seem to be able to help/see/get projects done for?
Analyze the consequences. This will help us see the depth and reach of our procrastinating tendencies. Has this habit hurt our job performance or even caused us some career catastrophes? Affected our credit score? Has it caused marital stress or caused us to miss a wonderful opportunity that has now resulted in deep regret? Has a loved one, such as the senior in our life, paid a price of us postponing an important decision involving their care?
Open ourselves up to the why. Figuring out why we keep doing what we do is key to the changing process. We may need outside help and opinions for this step. Family members, spouses, parents or close friends can often see and understand things about our behavior that we can't, or are blocked to seeing in ourselves. Try to not to take their input too personally! The end goal here is to have a happier, less stressful, more efficient life and the path to getting there may involve hearing and accepting some things about ourselves that may feel a little painful at first. It's important that we lean into it, trust our loved ones' opinions and try to learn from it all. Re-read the “Why” list above, anything hit home and sting a little or make you mad? You're onto something if it does. If you're not sure, share the list with a loved one and see if any of it might be recognizable to them.
Start the behavior changing process. Baby steps may be needed. We need to be kind to ourselves in the process! Researchers agree that rewarding ourselves for any steps made toward progress will encourage us to continue. Below you find seven key ways we begin the process.

7 Keys to Keeping the Big “P” From Ruining Your Life

Sometimes there are no easy answers to why we procrastinate but we do know the plan for changing our behavior has to be individually tailored to our specific hows and whys. As Joseph Ferrari, professor at DePaul University states, “It's not just about time management. To tell a chronic procrastinator to ‘Just Do It' is like telling a clinically depressed person to cheer up.” But we shouldn't lose hope because the following steps CAN work, and improving, even a little, is progress.

1. Break it down. If our tendency is be overwhelmed with big projects, chores or decisions, we need to learn how to break it into small, achievable chunks. A big to-do list with a smaller, “What can I do TODAY?” list can help us feel like we are making progress toward our goal without its being overwhelming. Before we know it, it's mostly done! Just start somewhere. Put a word down on the paper, then a sentence, then a paragraph. Make that first phone call, have that first conversation.If time management is an issue, reverting back to a write-in planner vs. our phone calendar may help us stay on top of things; we can visually see if our appointment schedule is realistic. Booking ourselves a little “cushion” time around appointments and allowing ourselves extra time to get tasks done will help us adjust to our new scheduling habits as well as practicing the art of saying no. Having good time management boundaries takes practice but those around us will be happier in the long run as they learn our boundaries mean we will actually show up and do what we say we will, when we say we'll be there. Trust will be re-built and your boundaries appreciated. Another hint? Learning to delegate will free us up to do more of the things we'd rather be doing.

2. Take charge of your money. If our procrastinating circulates around money, perhaps taking a money management course such as Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University would be helpful. Getting professional help from a financial planner is another option.

3. Learn and master. If we notice a trend towards procrastinating when we are uncertain about a situation, we might be lacking the full knowledge needed to give us the power to make a good decision or to take action. An example might be when we need to put together a Power Point presentation for co-workers and we don't have a clue where to start so we just don't. The best way we can overcome this icky fear/procrastination circle is to master the information needed. Study, take a class, upgrade skills, get advice and guidance, basically we need to do what we need to do to feel confident. If we know our stuff, we can make better, more informed decisions the first time, or we can present well, with confidence and strength.

4. Listen to your feelings. When we get anxious about a decision to be made, feel pressured, fearful or angry, these are signs that something is “off”. If we pay attention to how we feel, and pay attention to that little voice in our head, we will notice there is wisdom in our feelings.

5. Make yourself do it anyway. Reality is we might not like everything we have to do. Some duties are hard, some tedious, boring or emotional. Helping our dad move into a dementia community or doing our taxes are not fun tasks, plain and simple. We have to push through the rough chores and assignments sometimes. Giving ourselves breaks (even breaks to do less stressful chores is ok) and rewards along the way helps us to endure as well as focusing on how the outcome will be worth the trouble.

6. Create a support system. We can buddy up with others that are battling the same issues or create a mentor/ sponsor relationship with someone who will encourage us but also hold us accountable to improvement.

7. Call in the professionals. If we are unable to gather insight on our own or with a friend or family member's help, it might be time to get some professional assistance. A life coach, therapist, counselor or clergy person or a geriatric care manager if the problem is related to senior care, can listen to us objectively, help us to break patterns, and give us the tools we need to come up with a personalized “tackling plan”. They can also serve as our cheerleaders and support system.

Marjorie and Alice's story is a horrible, worst case procrastination scenario, but it is not that unusual. In the senior care field we hear these types of stories way too often. Knowing that addressing a senior's needs early in their aging journey can prevent stress, trauma or tragedy down line inspires me to encourage others in their role as decision-maker. We all at times put off hard-to-do or unpleasant tasks, but for some it greatly affects our mental and physical health and happiness levels. The Procrastination Research Group at Carleton University asked participants of their study “To what extent is procrastination having a negative impact on your happiness?” Almost one in two people (46%) answered “very much”. I hope that the information in this article is a help and that the next time we both are tempted to put off that important task or undertaking, we will stop and talk ourselves out of it. If we can remember to focus on the long term benefits of conquering our avoidance behaviors such as the relief, peace of mind, pride in accomplishment, and healthier outcomes that will be had, we can train ourselves to push through the tough stuff knowing the rewards will be worth it.

*If we can help at all with assisting you to find housing for your senior, provide guidance related to senior care or help you problem solve, please don't hesitate to call us. We do free consultations and would love to talk with you. *