Grief and the Corona Virus: The Emotion We Must Recognize and Honor

I've been on the grief roller coaster, riding the ups and downs, since early January when my mom passed away at age 77 unexpectedly. The grief over mom, however, has recently taken a back seat to grief over our world's current situation. I am not alone, as I know many of you are grieving as well; grieving over lost jobs, lost retirement savings, lost normalcy, lost visits with loved ones, loss of special events and celebrations, lost peace of mind. Many of us will also experience anticipatory grief over what our country will look like when this is over, or even what might happen if we lose a loved one to this virus.

Just as the quote above by Harrison mentions, grief ebbs and flows, much like the sadness and fear we have become accustomed to. It is important to recognize that it is normal to grieve in situations such as these and that it is deeply intertwined with our sadness and fear. We have lost a lot as a people; it is something that we all share to varying degrees with our fellow humans right now.

If we can recognize grief as one of the emotions that accompanies this type of occurrence, and honor that it is justified, we can then give ourselves space to fully experience it. We need to give ourselves permission to go through the unpredictable and rotating seasons of grief; shock/disbelief, anger, denial, bargaining, and detachment or depression. These look especially familiar because you likely have cycled through these phases multiple times since this all began! We must not judge ourselves or others for feeling grief, and we must refrain from holding any expectations regarding grief and what it should look or feel like. We all have a right to grieve; we didn't ask for this mess and loss, we don't want it, and we want to place blame on someone so that it can sit a little more comfortably with us.

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.

-C.S.Lewis

Grieving, unfortunately, will not just simply “go away” anytime soon, it will be our partner until things improve, and likely will follow us beyond the initial improvement. For our best mental health, we need to accept that it may be part of our emotional repertoire for a while. We must acknowledge that grief serves a purpose and is part of our healing process. We need to give ourselves permission to cry, scream, and to ask for extra hugs from household members. We need to ask for solitude when we need it and respect others' need for it as well. Grief is individual, it is unique; what I am going through is not what you are going through although there are common threads, and we must allow one another the grace to go through the grieving process in our own ways.

What we can also do during this time is to create as many joy points as possible, to focus on gratitude, and to visualize a positive restart to life when this is all over. We can come alongside our fellow humans and encourage them, cheer for them, and help them in any way possible. Life will again be glorious in the future, not immediately, but soon, and our previous definition of glorious, will have changed. Freedom, family, love, good health, work, food, and hugs ideally will be revered, honored, appreciated. We will soon have a chance to recreate our lives and ourselves, and it is this that we must cling to and envision. It is this appreciation, hope, and anticipation that will counter our grief and keep it from disabling us, and it is what will serve as our foundation as we move towards healing and restoration.